The Battle Between Good and Evil.  Me vs. an 11 Year Old.

I did not expect to be writing another post so soon. I thought I would ease my way into it, just share little bits of this and that. Nope, I was wrong.

Ok… let me say, before I begin my rant, that I genuinely like children. Newbie’s, eh, they freak me out because I am petrified that I am going to hold them wrong and their head is going to fall off, but other than that, I enjoy kids. Kids and animals, seriously, make great little companions, especially when either belongs to someone else, because then you can give them back when they cry, are annoying, bark, etc. Anywho… I like kids.

That said, there is one specific child I do not like. We all know at least one. One little demon child that could possibly have been sent here from Gatlin, Nebraska (for those of you who don’t get the reference, that’s where The Children of The Corn live “He who walks behind the rows!”). And as I write this, I do feel a slight bit of guilt, feeling such an intense dislike of a kid who is probably 11 or 12, but then I remember how absolutely annoying I find him. 

I don’t know this little boys name. He is the son of the woman who runs and owns the small cafeteria in my office building, but I know that when I see him my hair stands up on my neck. How awful am I? I simply cannot help myself. He is the kind of kid that you want to just say “Really? Are you truly this annoying? When other customers see him, I KNOW they feel the same way I do. No normal human could think this kid was witty or amusing, I can even tell when mom wants him to strike a statue pose and not speak for 3 weeks. 

Normally, I try to avoid any and all contact with this kid. He loves calling me “Ma’am”, which I hate since I am 31 and look younger, you little shit. I get it, he is being polite, but it irks me to no end. Often he is in the cafeteria working with his mom. I stopped saying “No school today?” a few months ago when mom told me he got suspended for drawing a picture of his teacher with blood coming out of her body. UM, and she showed me. BLOOD coming out of his teacher. Yeah. And the thing is, this woman is the nicest lady, and I’m guessing, based on the fact that I’m educated and not from another planet, that this kid has some social problems, but why does she bring him in to spend the entire day in that cafeteria annoying every single poor soul that walks in? Whyyy can’t I get my 3 eggs in peace? 

Which gets me to today. Today when I got down there, I was the only person in the room with mom and child. He says “Look, there is a penny”. I look, of course, obvious reaction. Sure enough, no freaking penny. This satisfies and amuses him so he then says “Look a nickel”. I say “Ha, ha, yeah, I’m not falling for it” then he proceeds to go on until he reaches $10. $10 is a long way from a penny; can mom not see I want to rip my own ears off? Please Baby Jesus, let my eggs cook fast! Then the phone rings and demon spawn answers and says “What can I get for you sir?” short pause “Oh, sorry, Ma’am”. Seriously?!?  Then he begins his banter with the Sir/Ma’am on the call. I think to myself I’m in the clear, but no, he is done just in time to ring me in and wish me a Happy Hanukkah. AHHHHHHHH. God damn it you little troll. You had to get one last annoying word in, didn’t you? Well, two can play at this game and it’s on. IT IS SO ON. And I better not find any corn husks near my car or I swear I’m calling a priest, that is, if I’m not going to hell for hating a kid first. 

                                                   Issac from "Children of The Corn". Possible relative of 

                                                   cafeteria boy,